A analysis that is qualitative of Johansson’s Illustrious Dating History

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About this morning, news broke that Bobby Flay—aka hamburgler fuccboi, aka “this sandwich won’t bite, we promise” guy, aka wait, is he likely to prepare this kitty cat?—may or may possibly not be dating star of these Certified Fresh movies as Chef and Topher Grace-masterwork, In Good business: the main one, truly the only, the Scarlett Johansson.

Scarlett Johansson is 32-years-old, and perhaps probably one of the most women that are beautiful the earth. She’s additionally an actress that is fabulous plus one of the very most bankable movie movie stars in Hollywood. Her in Translation? Unbelievable. Her neuroticism that is free-spirited in Christina Barcelona and Match aim? First-rate. And He’s Simply Not That Towards You. That has been a film which was made as soon as.

Bobby Flay, having said that, is 52. He’s a Food System celebrity. And their title appears like the generic form of a title that gets offered at Walgreens for half the cost.

Used to do the mathematics. IT DOESN’T ADD UP. (I ALSO DON’T KNOW JUST HOW TO DO MATH!)

Thus I asked myself a tremendously question that is simple asked myself for completely different purposes virtually every early morning since November:

Exactly just How did we arrive here? And much more especially: if they’re indeed dating—which, who knows—how did Scar Jo arrive here?

Below, I’ve compiled an incomplete listing of Scarlett Johansson’s paramours, in approximately order that is chronological. This can assist us get yourself a better image of what’s going on here.

2002Scarlett Johansson dated Fun. guitar player, Bleachers man and time that is otherwise big producer Jack Antonoff for 2 years in twelfth grade, during the expert Children’s class (the following is a photo associated with the valedictorian).

2004AScarlett Johansson ended up being romantically associated with Jude that is 31-year-old Law then 12 years her senior. She additionally had intercourse with Benicio del Toro in a elevator in the Chateau Marmont, which will be precisely the kind of thing people who’ve never ever visited the Chateau Marmont (me) would expect you’ll take place during the Chateau Marmont. She had been apparently seeing Patrick Wilson, too. There clearly was a pattern here: older dudes.

2005She includes a fling with notorious lady’s guy Jared Leto, hence starting her dudes that are age-appropriate.

2005-2007Johansson dates perma-teen-hearthrob Josh Hartnett for 2 yrs. It’s her very very very first relationship that is real Antonoff in ‘02.

2008-2011Our girl goes directly from Hartnett to Ryan Reynolds, who she marries. It’s a pretty lateral move taste-wise.

2011Scarlett gets divorced and would go to Mexico with Sean Penn.

2012Scarlett begins Nate that is dating Naylor a nyc advertising exec whom, in accordance with those that understand him, has an eye fixed for risqué art and appears like Morrissey in their prime. That’s high praise for a normal individual to get. For contextualization benefit, I’ve just ever been in comparison to Matthew Perry, but less during their prime, and much more during the years he had been coked away on Friends.

2012-2016Scarlett times, then marries, then divorces journalist/editor that is french Dauriac.

2017Scarlett had been connected to SNL Weekend modify co-host Colin Jost as belated as might, which everybody else type of universally agrees to be always a win that is huge Colin Jost. And today, finally, maybe try this it’s Flay’s change.

Okay, time for you to go back to our initial concern: exactly how did we arrive here?

Well, after meticulously Homeland-ing my whole bed room with photos and paper clippings and different-colored yarns—i got myself the spools in the Yarn shop, it is a place—we arrived up with all the explanation that is following. I’ve used dashes to split up the points, in order to maintain.

-2002 to approximately 2005 we are able to essentially discount because of Scarlett Johansson being fully a newly famous starlet that is 19-year-old Hollywood. It had been, as individuals state, a period. Completely understandable behavior. Specially doing del Toro in a elevator. It was basically a rite of passage to have sex with del Toro in a hotel lift if you were a starlet between the ages of 19-24 between 2003-2006.* I am talking about, you dudes have experienced 21 Grams, right?

*Backed up by zero proof.

-2005 to 2011 is much just about the wait that is“Oh can fundamentally date any dude i would like” stage. We have Hartnett. We have Reynolds. Two severe relationships with two really dudes that are traditionally good-looking.

-2011 (cont.): Classic rebound situation, going from a person who smiles on a regular basis (Reynolds) to some body whoever face is kind of stuck in a permanent snarl (Penn’s face).

-2012 to 2016 discovers Scarlett with two good-looking effective dudes (Naylor and Dauriac) that are nevertheless perhaps perhaps not an integral part of the Hollywood elite. After dating actors for way too long, this might be a departure that is reasonable. Plus, hot execs that are creative the actors of normal individuals.

-Post-divorce, 2017 is probably Scarlett’s most interesting 12 months to date. Jost is style of a throwback towards the clean-cut Reynolds-esque actors. And Flay is like the total consequence of a) returning to her 19-year-old older-guy-phase; and b) starring in Chef in 2014. Her toggling between your two is unique, yet also predictable: she’s been toggling from a Jost and a Flay in one single means or another her whole life that is dating.

For reasons uknown, I’m 76% certain she’ll date Anthony Bourdain next.

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Sam Eichner likes literature, truth tv along with his cats that are twin. He’s got regularly been told he requires a shave since he began growing hair that is facial.